[開悟卡] 關係牌組 獨立

KEY CONCEPTS:

重要概念：

Fear of feeling, receiving or committing; compensation for old emotional slavery

害怕接受或承諾的感覺；一種舊的補償情感奴隸機制



Independence (an unhealed reaction to heartbreak and jealousy) is one of the three major roles.

獨立性（不接受心碎與嫉妒的反應）是三個主要角色之一。

This role is a compensation for a painful place of heartbreak, jealousy, sacrifice or loss.

這個角色是因為痛苦、傷心、嫉妒、犧牲或損失的補償。

The extent of our independence is also the extent to which we are afraid of intimacy and of being in the vulnerable position of receiving because it would bring up the old painful feelings.

我們的獨立程度也是我們害怕親密和處於脆弱接受地位的程度，因為它會帶來舊有的痛苦感覺。

What we are attempting to do through this role is dissociate from painful feelings.

我們試圖通過這個角色脫離痛苦的感覺。

Unfortunately, this cuts off the ability to feel at all, including the positive feelings and the potential of receiving.

不幸的是，這切斷了感覺的能力，包括積極和接受的潛力。

So, the extent of jour independence is the extent of both our heartbreak and sacrifice, which we have yet to heal.

因此，獨立程度就是我們傷心和犧牲的程度，我們尚未癒合。

At the heart of independence is a lack of connection and commitment to others.

獨立是缺乏與他人的聯繫和承諾。

Independent people tend to be hard on both themselves and others.

獨立的人往往對自己和他人都很努力。

Part of the problem is their belief that ‘if the job is going to be done right, it has to be done by me’.

問題是他們有著 "如果工作要正確無誤，必須由我來" 的信念。

The other part of the problem is that this leads to sacrifice, giving without receiving, which is a role in which we do not give our true self.

另個問題是，這導致犧牲，給予但沒有接受，這是一個角色，我們不給我們真正的自我。

Because independent people are afraid of intimacy and of receiving, they will attempt to run away from situations, either physically or emotionally, as a way of ‘solving’ the problem.

因為獨立的人害怕親密與接受，他們試圖逃避這些情況，無論是身體上還是情感上，這是"解決”問題的一種方式。

This includes being stoic or dissociative.

這包括壓抑或分離。

Another key aspect to independence is the way one is subtly (or not so subtly) competitive in relationships.

獨立的另一個關鍵是在關係中巧妙（或不那麼巧妙）競爭的方式。

This may be a hidden competition, in which one becomes so good that no one else dares compete, or becomes so good that one develops a jaded ‘why-bother-competing-at-all’ attitude.

這可能是一個隱藏的競爭，它變得如此好，沒有人敢於競爭，或因為如此美好，以至於人們發展出了一個 “為什麼要這麼麻煩” 的態度。（意思是，因為變得太好了，我們何必去質疑這樣是否ＯＫ－關於把工作都讓給一個人承擔，或者不再願意檢討交流。）

Psychologically, competition is a form of avoidance which puts all the emphasis on winning.

在心理上，這是一種迴避方式，重點是贏得。

This can be very destructive in a relationship, since competition’s underlying objective is avoidance of (or distraction from) the real next step forward.

這在關係中可能非常具有破壞性，因為根本目標是避免（或分散）真正的下一步。


Using the card

使用該卡

If you get this card today, you are being asked to look at how your disconnection from yourself or others (your separation and/or competition) is creating the problem or issue you have at hand.

如果你今天拿到這張卡，你會被要求看看你與你自己，或他人斷開（你的分離或競爭）是如何造成你手邊的問題。

Success here will mean a new level of joining with others.

這裡的成功意味著與他人重新連繫的新水平。

It will reflect your willingness not to be afraid of painful feelings and your own or others’ needs, and your willingness to feel even the hidden ones until they transform to positive feelings.

它將反映你的意願，不要害怕痛苦，和你自己或他人的需要，即使它們隱藏在背後，直到轉變成積極的意願。

You are asked to repossess what you’ve been denying in yourself, and have been projecting on to others; to learn to accept your needs and feelings, so that you can also accept and respond to them in others without running away.

你被要求收回在自己身上拒絕的，並投射到別人身上的事物；學會接受你的需要和感覺，讓自己可以接受和回應它們。

Graduating from independence to true partnership and interdependence clears out feelings of dissociation, power struggle and deadness in relationships, and moves you into the richness of life which comes with intimacy and connection.

從獨立畢業，到真正的伙伴關係和相互依存，清除關係中的分離感，權力鬥爭與死亡感，將自己帶入親密和連接的豐盛生活。